A Good Week Ahead

What a beautiful day it is today. Scotland at its best, warm blustery wind, lovely sunshine, and beautiful scenery. My strength is returning and with it my mood and vigour.
Today I saw the Oncology consultant to discuss further treatment. Having required admission for palpitations and fast heart rate after my last chemotherapy I was quite anxious how my treatment would continue, or even would it continue in the same format. The concerns are that the chemotherapy may damage my heart. The thought of having heart failure is daunting. However, knowing that I am on the best treatment for my cancer, would changes lessen my chances of long term survival. Also a degree of heart failure is treatable with medication. I was also a bit worried about how tired I was feeling so early on in the treatment. Fatigue, there are no words to adequately describe it…it’s like someone has attached a hose to you and drawn out your life force. All that is left sitting propped up on the bed is deflated facsimile of yourself!
Dr.B had been in discussion with the cardiologist, although she thought she might decrease my levels of the troublemaker epirubicin by 20% it was decided to just go for the maximum dose. I will be admitted to the cardiac ward and observed. I am going for another heart check prior to my chemo. What more could I ask? I am getting the best of care. The reality is no-one can say for certain how it will go. On the positive side there does not appear to be any damage to my heart, it just does not like being poisoned, and who can blame it? The murmur I have developed seems to be fairly unimportant as the echocardiogram was normal.That all sounds a bit gloomy and that is not how I feel. I got through the last chemo with no intervention, this time I may need a bit help..but I may not. The important thing is I will be in the right place with experienced people around to act if necessary. I think at times like these you have to put you faith in the doctors and their knowledge and just go for it (albeit with fingers crossed!) and believe it will all work out.
I told Dr.B about my feeling of exhaustion and my concerns that I was “so tired so early on in the treatment”. She was decidedly unimpressed by my protestations. “Some people are virtually floored after there first treatment” she explained. Far from feeling disheartened by this news I found it strangely reassuring. Suck it up Tricia..this is how its going to be!
So I am looking forward to a good week ahead. It’s a time to build up my physical and emotional energies, ease gently back into a measure of normality and live for the moment. It’s going to be a good week.